Just Miley Cyrus

Did you know that today is Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day? Apparently for want of some kind of cultural milestone to call its own, a terrible Indiana-based radio station started, nine years ago, to celebrate the advent of the packaging material on the last Monday of every January. This year marks the 50th anniversary of bubble wrap. And while popping bubble wrap in between your thumb and forefinger remains the most inexpensive form of therapy that exists, let’s take time out to explore bubble wrap’s primary purpose: To keep things from breaking. After the jump: Five celebrities who could be rolled in bubble wrap for red-eye flights between JFK and LAX to prevent fatigue, exhaustion, and further breakdowns.

• Miley Cyrus. Cyrus is a star who hasn’t burned out completely, but is definitely showing signs of wear’n'tear. But cross-country travel can be quite taxing, especially on such a young starlet. For which reason, reams of bubble wrap will be necessary. Packing peanuts would also be a sensible precaution to make sure Cyrus’ sentience doesn’t  eventually shatter out like Britney Spears’ before her.

• Christian Bale. We’re already aware of Bale’s volatilityand the grueling lenghts he’ll go to for the sake of his art. So to make sure that he doesn’t become more unhinged, it may be an excellent idea to triple-wrap him. Should the plane experience some particularly bumpy turbulence, we wouldn’t want Bale to unleash one of his tirades on helpless flight attendants.

• Chris Brown. Same as Bale, but Brown may require additional sedatives. Unlike Bale, he hasn’t been on his best behavior lately. The lack of a  fixed date for National Wine Day comes in handy then, as flight attendants should feel free to administer sippy cup after sippy cup of cabernet to Brown.

• Leona Lewis. Unlike Cyrus, Lewis is delicate. One has to wonder if all the bubble wrap in America can get Lewis safely to her destination.

* Bai Ling. Seriously. Despite been crowned the Fug Queen, Ling must have the steeliest resolve in the world, to get up morning after morning, and slap on her fugliest mini-dress. And you know what tends to fracture that kind of confidence? A lack of sleep due to jet-setting. Handlers would do well to take extra care with this one, too.